The Adventure: Buying a Multigenerational Home
Multigenerational homes are growing in demand as the Greatest Generation and early Baby Boomer generation begin to require assistance to continue living quality lives. As a Realtor in the Lamorinda Area of the Bay Area, I wanted to share my experience with others making the transition to a multigenerational home or see that it might be in their future. I hope my failures and successes help you avoid the potential landmines that could damage a family.
Part I - The Decision
It was no particular day when my sister called me in that special tone that always meant trouble was afoot. “I’m really concerned about mom,” she started. I was clueless at the time as I had purposely moved into Moraga Country Club to be readily available should mom need help, saw her once or twice a week and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
“Mom’s been skipping meals . . . says she doesn’t feel like cooking, or even worse, she is eating ‘Jack’ with milk shakes for dinner,” she explained. “I also saw a pan thrown away that looked like it was burnt on the stove. Maybe she’s scared to cook,” she suggested. Considering this was the woman I considered to be a vegetable Nazi and often cooked multiple meals a day from scratch in my youth, I was in agreement . . . something was wrong.
Time for a family meeting.
Of the four Okamura siblings, I am the youngest. My younger-older sister is kind, level headed and, lucky for her, lives out of town. My older brother was living alone and continues to be her primary care physician in Danville. My older-older sister was most familiar with my mom’s daily routine at the time and has never feared big decisions. Historically, my older-older sister and I often see eye to eye on actionable items and the other two let us know if we are nuts. When the events observed were retold, we all knew a change was necessary.
At the time we had our meeting, I still had two kids in middle school, and after some polite discussion, I agreed to what I knew was the only reasonable solution we would all agree. Sell my home, camp out in my mom’s place until we found a suitable replacement, and keep my mom stashed with my sister in Lafayette until the dust settled. Humorously, I had been contemplated getting a puppy, but soon I was gonna get a Nana.
The factors my family had to wrestle with were daunting. How this would impact my wife and kids as a unit and individually? Would we be OK in moving to Alamo or Danville? How would this effect my future planning? What would be the impact to all of our mental health? Even after I felt my wife and I had addressed all the financial and personal questions, we still were miles off.
Part V - Mom Likes to Pay Her Own Bills
Part VI – I’ll Just Stay Home and Watch TV…
