The Adventure: Buying a Multigenerational Home
Multigenerational homes are growing in demand as the Greatest Generation and early Baby Boomer generation begin to require assistance to continue living quality lives. As a Realtor in the Lamorinda Area of the Bay Area, I wanted to share my experience with others making the transition to a multigenerational home or see that it might be in their future. I hope my failures and successes help you avoid the potential landmines that could damage a family.
Part V – Mom Likes to Pay Her Own Bills
“Can you take these bills to the Post Office?” my mom asked in an unusually rushed tone. “We sure can, Nana…it’s almost time for lunch and we can drop them off on our way out or back,” I said in my best calming voice. “Everything OK? Is anyone having troubles?” I pushed. “No she said, I just didn’t want these bills to be late,” my mom said firmly. Good deal, I figured, off to the Post Office we go…
It was about 2 months after this mostly forgettable conversation, my Oldest-Older Sister and I were sitting with our family financial advisor when he asked how the new living situation was going. Blatantly lying, I said, ”really well, it’s nice for everyone.” He asked if he should increase the distributions to cover expenses, to which I explained that there was really no need. My mom really only had her bills she liked to pay herself.
Our financial advisor pulled up her accounts quickly to ensure I was not underestimating the costs. “Dean, you should take a look at this, “ he said quietly. I moved over to see the screen. Mom had cut over twenty checks between $25 and $150 in the two to three months. “Those aren’t bills, “ he said quietly to my sister and I. “I think she is giving money away.”
It turns out, my mom was sending checks to dozens of organizations…none of which were bills. Now I don’t want to disparage any political, medical, racially oriented, or veteran organizations, but let me tell you, send them some money and you will never be lonely again. After I began sorting her mail, I realized she was getting 4-5 donation requests per day. In her mental capacity, she could not differentiate between those mailings and actual bills.
Let’s not kid ourselves, those organizations had their hooks into my mom and they did not want to let go. As time went on, I noticed a lot of red ink on the more desperate sounding “bills” that arrived. I guess doing some harm to those who can’t protect themselves so that other good can be accomplished for the sake of someone else is the balancing of the economic scales.
It is difficult to see your parent losing their faculties like that, but you can’t burry your head in the sand. As a supporting member of the family or the primary care giver, you need to believe in yourself and suggest the best course of action for your parent.
Part VI – I’ll Just Stay Home and Watch TV…
