The Adventure: Buying a Multigenerational Home
Multigenerational homes are growing in demand as the Greatest Generation and early Baby Boomer generation begin to require assistance to continue living quality lives. As a Realtor in the Lamorinda Area of the Bay Area, I wanted to share my experience with others making the transition to a multigenerational home or see that it might be in their future. I hope my failures and successes help you avoid the potential landmines that could damage a family.
Part IV – Here’s The Deal
My Oldest-Older Sister is more than a few years my senior, although often assumed to be younger by people we meet face to face. I tell her it’s the mileage on the odometer not the year of production that works to my detriment. When this process was initiated, she laid down the law to all the kids at a family meeting. “You can always make suggestions, but unless you are taking mom, Dean gets to make the decisions regarding their house,” she said in that first born confident tone. “You don’t get to complain unless you are taking care of her,” she added. Everyone totally agreed.
Boom! It was the drop the mic moment that I needed to make sure everyone was on the same page. I could not destroy my marriage or family for the benefit of everyone else. I’m sure most families would have a similar mindset, but it was at that moment I could rest assured my family was supporting me not evaluating my care.
Unbeknownst to me and long before my parents bought me at the store, as my Oldest-Older Sister would tell me for years, my mom cared for her Mother-in-law. This lasted for the better part of ten years. She told me that when Grandma had to go to a home, some of the aunties made criticisms of how care was provided. This clearly pissed my sister off. Me too, for that matter and I hadn’t even been purchased yet!
This may be an indication of one of my many shortcomings, but I believe it is imperative that the ole adage “put up or shut up” be followed. If you are planning on taking caring for a parent, get a full buy in from the family members. If you are a family member supporting a brother or sister taking on that role, be sure to put yourself in their situation. It is easy to make clinically clean decisions after the fact, but when you are dealing with the personalities of grown adults who are struggling with getting older, sometimes the best decision needs to yield to the “best for everyone in the house” decision.
Part V - Mom Likes to Pay Her Own Bills
Part VI – I’ll Just Stay Home and Watch TV…
